I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
