I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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