We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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