I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
