Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
