Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
