Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
