I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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