Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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