The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
