I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
