you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
