i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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