when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
