I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
