Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
