I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
