I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
