i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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