I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
