Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
