Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
