I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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