Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
