tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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