Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
