Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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