Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
