You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize