Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
