Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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