Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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