It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
