Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
