He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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