I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
True strength comes from lack of pants
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
