I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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