I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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