Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
