I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
