I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
