I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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