I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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