I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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