feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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