when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
