I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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