so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
