I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
