I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
