could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Randomize
