I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
