So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
