Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
