Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
