i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
