Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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