No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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