I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
