i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
