I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
