There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
