thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize