The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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