she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
