Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
