In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
