I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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