Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize