Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
